Thursday, January 26, 2006
Circumference, Zany JB, and Nostalgia.
1 Meter!
Its official. Knicq has breached the 1M barrier in circumference.
In the past, I have hovered around this barrier, but never really did cross it. My failures, however, were not due to lack of trying. I know now that everything must happen in its own time, and one must continue to strive for excellence in the face of adversity and failures. A 100 cms is a lot of me, and I knew I was on the right track when standing up straight, I could no longer see my size 9 shoes. Jalali Baba has always had reservations about the usage of the word straight here in the context. He believes half moon conveys a much more accurate picture, but I differ on technical grounds. The semi-circular image invoked by the half moon metaphor does not really fit me. As far as imagery goes, Jalali Baba says it is more a case of getting the China wall to stand vertically rather than lying around like a lazy python, and getting it to swallow the half moon just so it comes to rest in the middle. Of course, this is a ridiculous way of putting things. Everyone knows, walls don’t eat half moons, or full moons; and whoever heard of pythons lying around lazily?
Thats Jalali Baba for you. He will be 30 soon, and although he maintains otherwise I have this nagging suspicion that he crossed 1M long ago. It is common knowledge that he is on the wrong side of 100 Kgs. I remain on the right side by about twenty kgs. JB thinks my eating habits add to his weight, and his smoking habits to my girth. The more I evaluate the data available, the more sense this hypothesis makes. I guess, he is pulling me into senilepur along with him. He is senile, this part I have figured out. I have also got to the conclusion that he is fighting old age. You know you are fighting old age when you start believing you are getting old, because most people choose to fight old age rather than age gracefully. Before I tell you why I think he is fighting old age, let me tell you about a small incident that should have alerted me to JB’s condition years ago.
A couple of years ago, wifey and kids had chosen exactly the same time to go on a vacation, when JB’s family was in Pakistan. JB lives in Abu Dhabi, approximately 175 Kms from where I live. He used to drive down with a bundle of wood, and a makeshift tent, in the trunk of Saab-ki-Gaadi, and drive on another 100 kilometers to Dibba; where he would put up the tent in the ‘wilderness’, make a ‘bonfire’ 2 feet in height, spend the night there, and drive back to Abu Dhabi in the morning. This used to qualify for the ultimate adventure out in the open, away from the hustle bustle of cities and towns - the former employed to refer to Abu-Dhabi and Dubai, and the latter used to allude to yours truly’s city of abode.
He did this almost every week, and talked about it to me for the rest of the week. This has to be the explanation for my affirmative nod when he invited me to one such night of adventure. I find no other logical basis for this stupidity of mine. I am not an outdoors person. I am a Dubaiite, and like all fellow-Dubaiites, I would take the air-conditioned malls over the “wilderness” anyday. (After the trip, I would take malls on fire over a trip to the wilderness with JB)
I was ordered to pack in a copy of “Kuliyat-e-Iqbal”, while JB packed in OSK, who has until now been introduced as Fash’s BiL. We set off in Saab Ki Gaadi about midnight on an unusually cold night. Along the way, Jalali Bab tried to educate the lesser mortals on Iqbal, but lost interest when we could not even feign interest. Then came the punishment for this insolence. At two in the morning, with the whole world, including the road ahead plunged in absolute darkness, JB switched off the head lights - only for a few seconds, but for long enough to scare the living daylights out of the two of us. Our screams only encouraged him, and he did it for a second time, and stopped only when the two of us threatened to tell his wife about his smoking excesses(provided, of course, we made it back in one peice, but a provision we chose not to elaborate on at the time).
He finally found a place to stop the car, and put the tent up - a deserted spot between two hills, populated by nothing, save a few shrubs swaying suspiciously in the howling winter wind, and the omnipresent fear of grouchy ghosts woken from their slumber by our cacophony. To JB’s dismay, we decided against spending the night there, and forced him to choose another spot. The spot we did agree on was at the beach, the impracticality of which choice was laid bare when it came time to put the tent up. Somehow, the tent was done, and JB got down to making his ‘bonfire’. Here again was a challenge, since the winds were not conducive to getting the fire going; a challenge that was overcome eventually. We huddled around the fire to keep ourselves warm.
We had barely got comfortable, when a strong gust of wind brought a ton of sand to our fire, and chased on its way out particles of sand with their tails on fire. For a while, the whole place was lit up like the sky; in this while I heard JB scream and run after those fiery particles, it was only later that I realized that he was running after our tent, which had been uprooted by the wind. That put paid to the night under the skies.
A few weeks ago, JB was chastizing me for my reckless driving on blackey about a year ago, when I had done a little swerving and cutting while talking on my cell phone; and I had to bring up his switching off of those head lights. That shut him up. A while later, while sitting down in a traditional Yemeni restaurant for our dinner, I asked him what the dickens did he think he was doing at the time. His reply, ‘Saab, there is no thrill in life anymore’. I had to suppress my murderous instinct, but even the best restraint could also not keep me from going ballistic in his face in two public places - one the afore mentioned traditional restaurant, which refused to serve us food given my outburst; and the other which served us food despite the ballistic me.
I have figured out now though - JB is old, and he is fighting old age - some men resort to cheap thrills in this fight. There are those who switch off head lights while driving on a dark highway, or go bungie jumping, or join a gym; or remarry; and there are those who opt for a more enduring pain- they go nostalgic. The latter crop of fighters is a sad bunch of people; they find something wrong with everything around them, and long for days gone by, the miseries of days gone by, and the joys of days gone by. If they are any good with the pen, they write books about days gone by, and romanticize the past at the expense of present and future.
JB comes from a new breed of fighters though - this is a breed which thinks itself older than it really is, so while the guys resort to some or all of the switching-off-the-headlights thrills, they are disappointed to find that they can’t really get nostaligic because their days gone by are no so far off. They must then do the next best thing - they live in other people’s nostalgia.
It is a way of life elevated to an art form by the likes of JB. The method is simple. You read a few books on genuine nostalgia, and then realizing that what you are living through today, will constitute your nostalgia tomorow, just as the past turned into nostalgia for those writers, you start living your picture perfect nostalgia, for tomorrow’s sake. Am I making any sense?
I do not have to, I will be 30 in a year’s time, and I will be able to think back to today with a touch of nostalgia, think back to days when I used to fight the oncomings of old age with half baked philosophic psychoanalysis of my freinds who were living their nostalgia before they got to the logical age of nostalgia.
For now, I am 1 Meter fat, and JB is a 100 KGS heavy - these will be the days to hark back to!
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One Response to 'Circumference, Zany JB, and Nostalgia.'
1SaeedOctober 8th, 2005 at 10:19 am
great to have new posts from u!nice intro to fash.U’ve been blessed with such wonderful friends-& even have them close by…& lol @ big 3-0 now not as older as it used to be…& even U already have that nostalgic psyche & u aren’t even 30 yet!so do u guys still go & spend the night in d wadi/desert/beach?? & btw, i plan on doing the sky dive this summer, so does that make me…???or shud i leave it to be done when i hit d big 3-0?lol ¶ 1/26/2006 02:11:00 AM
Its official. Knicq has breached the 1M barrier in circumference.
In the past, I have hovered around this barrier, but never really did cross it. My failures, however, were not due to lack of trying. I know now that everything must happen in its own time, and one must continue to strive for excellence in the face of adversity and failures. A 100 cms is a lot of me, and I knew I was on the right track when standing up straight, I could no longer see my size 9 shoes. Jalali Baba has always had reservations about the usage of the word straight here in the context. He believes half moon conveys a much more accurate picture, but I differ on technical grounds. The semi-circular image invoked by the half moon metaphor does not really fit me. As far as imagery goes, Jalali Baba says it is more a case of getting the China wall to stand vertically rather than lying around like a lazy python, and getting it to swallow the half moon just so it comes to rest in the middle. Of course, this is a ridiculous way of putting things. Everyone knows, walls don’t eat half moons, or full moons; and whoever heard of pythons lying around lazily?
Thats Jalali Baba for you. He will be 30 soon, and although he maintains otherwise I have this nagging suspicion that he crossed 1M long ago. It is common knowledge that he is on the wrong side of 100 Kgs. I remain on the right side by about twenty kgs. JB thinks my eating habits add to his weight, and his smoking habits to my girth. The more I evaluate the data available, the more sense this hypothesis makes. I guess, he is pulling me into senilepur along with him. He is senile, this part I have figured out. I have also got to the conclusion that he is fighting old age. You know you are fighting old age when you start believing you are getting old, because most people choose to fight old age rather than age gracefully. Before I tell you why I think he is fighting old age, let me tell you about a small incident that should have alerted me to JB’s condition years ago.
A couple of years ago, wifey and kids had chosen exactly the same time to go on a vacation, when JB’s family was in Pakistan. JB lives in Abu Dhabi, approximately 175 Kms from where I live. He used to drive down with a bundle of wood, and a makeshift tent, in the trunk of Saab-ki-Gaadi, and drive on another 100 kilometers to Dibba; where he would put up the tent in the ‘wilderness’, make a ‘bonfire’ 2 feet in height, spend the night there, and drive back to Abu Dhabi in the morning. This used to qualify for the ultimate adventure out in the open, away from the hustle bustle of cities and towns - the former employed to refer to Abu-Dhabi and Dubai, and the latter used to allude to yours truly’s city of abode.
He did this almost every week, and talked about it to me for the rest of the week. This has to be the explanation for my affirmative nod when he invited me to one such night of adventure. I find no other logical basis for this stupidity of mine. I am not an outdoors person. I am a Dubaiite, and like all fellow-Dubaiites, I would take the air-conditioned malls over the “wilderness” anyday. (After the trip, I would take malls on fire over a trip to the wilderness with JB)
I was ordered to pack in a copy of “Kuliyat-e-Iqbal”, while JB packed in OSK, who has until now been introduced as Fash’s BiL. We set off in Saab Ki Gaadi about midnight on an unusually cold night. Along the way, Jalali Bab tried to educate the lesser mortals on Iqbal, but lost interest when we could not even feign interest. Then came the punishment for this insolence. At two in the morning, with the whole world, including the road ahead plunged in absolute darkness, JB switched off the head lights - only for a few seconds, but for long enough to scare the living daylights out of the two of us. Our screams only encouraged him, and he did it for a second time, and stopped only when the two of us threatened to tell his wife about his smoking excesses(provided, of course, we made it back in one peice, but a provision we chose not to elaborate on at the time).
He finally found a place to stop the car, and put the tent up - a deserted spot between two hills, populated by nothing, save a few shrubs swaying suspiciously in the howling winter wind, and the omnipresent fear of grouchy ghosts woken from their slumber by our cacophony. To JB’s dismay, we decided against spending the night there, and forced him to choose another spot. The spot we did agree on was at the beach, the impracticality of which choice was laid bare when it came time to put the tent up. Somehow, the tent was done, and JB got down to making his ‘bonfire’. Here again was a challenge, since the winds were not conducive to getting the fire going; a challenge that was overcome eventually. We huddled around the fire to keep ourselves warm.
We had barely got comfortable, when a strong gust of wind brought a ton of sand to our fire, and chased on its way out particles of sand with their tails on fire. For a while, the whole place was lit up like the sky; in this while I heard JB scream and run after those fiery particles, it was only later that I realized that he was running after our tent, which had been uprooted by the wind. That put paid to the night under the skies.
A few weeks ago, JB was chastizing me for my reckless driving on blackey about a year ago, when I had done a little swerving and cutting while talking on my cell phone; and I had to bring up his switching off of those head lights. That shut him up. A while later, while sitting down in a traditional Yemeni restaurant for our dinner, I asked him what the dickens did he think he was doing at the time. His reply, ‘Saab, there is no thrill in life anymore’. I had to suppress my murderous instinct, but even the best restraint could also not keep me from going ballistic in his face in two public places - one the afore mentioned traditional restaurant, which refused to serve us food given my outburst; and the other which served us food despite the ballistic me.
I have figured out now though - JB is old, and he is fighting old age - some men resort to cheap thrills in this fight. There are those who switch off head lights while driving on a dark highway, or go bungie jumping, or join a gym; or remarry; and there are those who opt for a more enduring pain- they go nostalgic. The latter crop of fighters is a sad bunch of people; they find something wrong with everything around them, and long for days gone by, the miseries of days gone by, and the joys of days gone by. If they are any good with the pen, they write books about days gone by, and romanticize the past at the expense of present and future.
JB comes from a new breed of fighters though - this is a breed which thinks itself older than it really is, so while the guys resort to some or all of the switching-off-the-headlights thrills, they are disappointed to find that they can’t really get nostaligic because their days gone by are no so far off. They must then do the next best thing - they live in other people’s nostalgia.
It is a way of life elevated to an art form by the likes of JB. The method is simple. You read a few books on genuine nostalgia, and then realizing that what you are living through today, will constitute your nostalgia tomorow, just as the past turned into nostalgia for those writers, you start living your picture perfect nostalgia, for tomorrow’s sake. Am I making any sense?
I do not have to, I will be 30 in a year’s time, and I will be able to think back to today with a touch of nostalgia, think back to days when I used to fight the oncomings of old age with half baked philosophic psychoanalysis of my freinds who were living their nostalgia before they got to the logical age of nostalgia.
For now, I am 1 Meter fat, and JB is a 100 KGS heavy - these will be the days to hark back to!
-->
One Response to 'Circumference, Zany JB, and Nostalgia.'
1SaeedOctober 8th, 2005 at 10:19 am
great to have new posts from u!nice intro to fash.U’ve been blessed with such wonderful friends-& even have them close by…& lol @ big 3-0 now not as older as it used to be…& even U already have that nostalgic psyche & u aren’t even 30 yet!so do u guys still go & spend the night in d wadi/desert/beach?? & btw, i plan on doing the sky dive this summer, so does that make me…???or shud i leave it to be done when i hit d big 3-0?lol ¶ 1/26/2006 02:11:00 AM
